Are you a parent who wonders if your gifted child might be autistic? I’m glad you’re here!
There’s a lot of misinformation out there about what it means to be autistic. You may have heard, “She can’t be autistic. She makes good eye contact and can hold a conversation. She’s just gifted, and gifted kids are quirky. Don’t pathologize it.”
You may feel that your impressions of autistic people don’t fit your child. (Spoiler – if those impressions are mostly based on the movie Rain Man, it’s definitely time to look deeper.) But still, there are things that make you wonder. You both know that your child’s experience is different than most of their peers.
What are some common autistic characteristics?
If your gifted child is sometimes overwhelmed by their emotions, is highly empathetic, and has sensory sensitivities, it’s worth considering if they might be autistic.
Social differences are also common in autistic children, but that does not mean that they don’t want or have friends. In fact, autistic kids can be very social.
They may prefer to have just a few close friendships. Or they may be willing to chat with anyone but struggle to form deeper connections until they finally meet the right neurodivergent peers.
There’s a huge range in autistic experiences, just as there is for non-autistic people.
Autism Stereotypes
The stereotypical view of autism was based on observing characteristics of a few small, white, boys who were in distress. Hence, the DSM-V (which details the diagnostic criteria for official autism assessment) describes autistic children in distress.
Autistic kids who are well supported, with loving parents, and an environment that suits them well enough, may struggle to receive a diagnosis for this reason.
The DSM is a highly flawed document which is revised every few years – it included “homosexuality” as a diagnosis until 1973.
Many experts in the field expect significant changes to the diagnostic criteria for autism in the next version of the DSM – that is, the definition of autism spectrum “disorder” or condition is not set in stone.
Neurodiversity advocates argue that autism is a difference and not a “disease” or “disorder,” and many question whether it belongs in the DSM in the first place.
In the meantime, there are helpful neurodiversity affirming analyses of the DSM criteria, such as this Neurodiversity Paradigm Breakdown of the DSM-5 Criteria for Autism from Trauma Geek.
It’s worth saying that not all people with an autistic neurotype need to get an official diagnosis.
I would argue that they do need an understanding of themselves as neurodivergent in order to live their best lives going into adulthood.
We all benefit from greater self-understanding, and living in a world that is not designed for you is often a frustrating and lonely experience.
Resources
I’ve pulled together some of my favorite resources that can help to unravel a confusing topic.
As a busy parent myself, podcasts are often my preferred way to get information – I can listen while doing the dishes or taking a long walk!
These resources focus on how autism can look different than what most people expect. Although many of them are specifically about autism in “girls,” I invite you to listen with an ear for expanding your understanding of what it means to be an autistic human.
The old autism stereotype does not reflect the experiences not only of girls, but also kids without developmental delays, those who are intellectually gifted, many boys and gender non-conforming humans, LGBTQ+, people of color, adults, and many others.
In general, I strongly recommend listening to autistic voices when you want to learn about what it means to be autistic. However, many of these resources come from neurodiversity affirming non-autistics, because there are all too few openly autistic psychologists, OTs, educators, and other professionals.
Podcasts
The Testing Psychologist: Autism in Girls and Women with Donna Henderson – This is a great one to start with. It explains the (again, flawed) DSM criteria in a step-by-step way that can be really clarifying. Also note the printable table on this page which can be useful to print and follow along as you listen.
Masterclass: Autistic Adolescent Girl with Donna Henderson – Donna Henderson returns to the Testing Psychologist podcast to share an in-depth case study of a high achieving, gifted, adolescent girl. She details how this teen’s internal experience was repeatedly overlooked and explained away by other labels, when in fact she is autistic. She also describes the personal significance of the diagnosis for the client – how understanding herself as an autistic person changed this teen’s and her family’s outlook.
Learn Smarter Podcast: Understanding Autism in Girls with Dr. Donna Henderson Part 1 and Part 2 – If you like Donna Henderson, here is another insightful interview with her.
TILT Parenting Podcast #182: A Conversation with Autism and Neurodiversity Support Specialist Kristy Forbes – Kristy Forbes is an amazing Autistic advocate! She’s a must-listen when exploring autistic culture.
TILT Parenting Podcast #277: AuTeach Founder Robin Roscigno on Respectful and Neurodiversity-Informed Parenting – In this podcast Robin Roscigno shares her experience as a late-identified autistic woman, parent of an autistic child, and educator. She covers a wide range of topics including understanding the autism industrial complex.
Two Sides of the Spectrum Podcast: Reframing Social Differences for Autistic Kids with Rachel Dorsey, Autistic SLP – This podcast is a fabulous resource for deep diving on the autistic experience from a treatment perspective. The host of the podcast, Meg Proctor, is an OT who focuses on neurodiversity affirming best practices. In this episode she interviews autistic SLP Rachel Dorsey and they discuss how many interventions aim to make autistic kids behave in ways that are more comfortable for the people around them, but often at the expense of their own authenticity and inner voice.
Two Sides of the Spectrum Podcast: Strengths Based Diagnostics & “The Legend of Autistica” with Matt Lowry – Another excellent listen about understanding autistic culture. Although this is a neurodiversity affirming conversation, I disagree with a few stereotyping points Matt Lowry makes. For example, he talks about “autistic speech cadence” and says that “autistics like to stay up until 3am.” These may be his own experiences, but I don’t think they can be generalized. He still has a great perspective to share.